Tomorrow, I turn 50. Half a century, 5 decades, under my belt. But it’s during the last decade where I’ve really changed and grown. My 40’s started off shitty… newly separated with 2 teens and a new mortgage, I wanted to crawl into the nearest corner and let the world fall over me. Not an option though. So I did what I usually do… pick myself up, dust myself off and trudge on. But trudging isn’t enough, surviving isn’t enough. I wanted to thrive and live. And so started the journey.. making new friends, engaging in new experiences, traveling alone to places I’d never been before. I started a new job and not only learned but excelled at it. I began to love and stand up for myself. I stopped meekly acquiescing in order to gain acceptance and love from people who didn’t deserve mine.
In 10 years, I’ve proudly watched my children grow from teens into wonderful adults who are now married. Many pounds and several sizes bigger, I now look at myself in the mirror and see the beauty in every dimple, roll and stretch mark that makes up my unique, round, soft, plush body. I no longer hide it in large, shapeless garments but now wear tops and dresses that caress my boobs and belly and show them off for the world to see. Fat, a word which made me cringe, now makes me hold up head up high and say “yeah and?” and now I’ve made it a mission to help women look at their bodies with love and joy.
After several awkward attempts at relationships, I found true love with my best friend. Proof that you find what you’re looking for when you’re not looking. I look forward to spending the next 50 years (if I’m so blessed) with him and know that we’ll still be silly and laughing together and that my tummy will be his favorite pillow as his is mine.
Not to say that my 40’s has all been fun. I’ve lost family and friends near and dear, lastly my beloved ex mother in law who was more of a mother to me than my own. (More on her later when I can write without bawling.) Then there was the time I met someone from online only to find out that, despite his romantic gestures and knee weakening kisses, he was a pathological liar who strung me and dozens of other women along. I’m quite sure that he’s still trolling chat rooms with his “aw shucks” charm. On the plus side, his antics helped me refine my bullshit meter. Or when ex husband tried to guilt me into helping him and the woman he left his kids and me for. When he realized that he lost his hold over me, he retaliated by cutting off all contact with his children and family. On the plus side of that, I’ve recently been privileged to watch Karma at work… his inability to hold onto a job and apartment, no possessions to their names from their many evictions over the years and let’s not forget missing/rotted teeth which adds to a much older appearance while folks, whom I haven’t seen in many years, tell me that I haven’t aged a day since they’ve last seen me.
It’s said that 50 is the new 40. Bring it on!!!